Current mood:

grumpy

I'm not in the best of sorts at the moment, and so I found a Sue with name spelt just like mine, only minus one letter. Which, suffice to say, did not imporve my stormy mood. UGH. Even worse, the author seems to have forgotten that Trigun is scifi-spagetti-futuristic-western....there's certian things you don't associate with westerns, and they are in this fic. You'll see what I mean.....u_u;


Story Or Series Title: Bounty
Fandom: Trigun. Or so I'm lead to believe.
Culprit Author's Name:Thin Ice
Summary:
(rated for later chapters and language) a bounty hunter meets up with a mysterious man, they set off on a journey together (god i suck at summarys,) R&R plz! (my first fic, i beg of you, go easy on meh)

First fiction or not, it's still bad. I think it should be a general guideline, OC's aren't usually a good idea for first stories, as in the writer should get a feel for the (insert characters here) before introducing new ones.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Kimberly. (Damn you Sue! Damn you!)
Full Species(es): Werewolf. (as a therian, my tears....they flow like waterfalls..........)
Hair Color (include adjectives): "flame red hair" (Double damnit, I dyed my hair red last month.)
Eye Color (include adjectives): "blue-jean-blue eyes" (points for using such an unusual, if not weird way of describing eye colour!)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "usual gear, a short gray T with a wicked looking black cross and black way to big pants that clung perfectly to my waist by a leather belt with metal holes galore." Said Sue's clothing. x_O; No mention of the wolf part of the werewolf part....eh.
Special Possessions (if any): "the long knife down my spine. A dagger at each wrist and a shoulder holster" Another knives loving Sue, in a series more re-owned for it's guns. Oh and a Browning High-Power 9mm gun. And an inner pants holster. Iiiie.

Annoying Origin: Not mentioned. Not sure I want to know.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Stumbles apon Vash (or Ericks) while naked.
Annoying Special Abilities: The fact she' s werewolf (choke!) should count. And with that, she heals fast, and has vastly improved senses. Is a l33t bounty hunter, yet never grasps that Ericks is Vash. x_x
Other Annoying Traits: Knowledge of modern films/ and or clothing brands, despite the fact no-body else has any knowledge of these things on the twin-sunned sandy planet. She also has an annoying rival/boyfriend (possibly?!) that is also a were...leopard. Called Blaze. Oh and theres a forest.....on Gunsmoke. Like that's normal.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:


Written first person...well first Sue perpective....

I heard him click empty and went to my knees training both Brownings on his chest. I got one shot off before he disappeared behind his over turned table. I kept firing till I also clicked empty. His table was as mangled as mine. I heard him pop in two fresh clips as I slid my last one into place.

He stood when I stood and we both fired. I got him in the thiye and watched blood blossom like a crimson flower. I got hit in the shoulder, the impact knocked me into the wall but I kept my feet. My shoulder was a bloody mess. Blaze was bowed over in pain but I didn't trust him that much. He stood almost up right holding his wounds.

“All right, I'll leave you alone for now,” he smirked, “but I'll be back!,” at that he turned and made for the door. I laughed through the pain,

“Still using movie metaphors, you moron!,” I laughed and he turned to smirk at me again.

“And don’t you forget it!,” he walked out the door and disappeared.

I holstered both Brownings and some how made it to the woods un-scathed by the tavern owner. Yeah, he and his double barrel shot gun came after me, but I easily lost him in the thick forest. My shoulder was killing me. I leaned against a large willow, hidden by the whip-like branches nursing my wound.

“Damn him!,” I hissed, “I swear I'll kill his punk ass next time,”

At that I chuckled,

“ But it dose keep life interesting.........I guess.”

The wound was already starting to re-knit it self. One of the advantages of being a werewolf. But the sliver stings like hell. After the gap had fully closed I looked down to my-self.

“ Damn it never ends!,” my bloody clothes would have to be washed soon if they were to be salvaged. Wandering for a few moments I came upon a lake in a large clearing. I sighed in relief and waded out into the water, leaving the Brownings and the long knife in the sand, giving me only the daggers. Getting in shoulder deep I looked around for any one else and slipped out of my shirt. My black sports bra saved me from total nudeness, as did the matching black panties when I got out of the pants. Weaving them through the water the fresh blood easily came out, leaving a crimson trail in its path. I got back to shore and hung my belongings in a near by pine to dry and for safekeeping. Going back to the lake I waded further out and lay on my back in the cool water. Stroking my arms every so often to keep afloat. The half moon watched me in a star lit sky as I lay there. Listening the sounds of the night forest.

A slight rustling stirred me from my dream like state. I was closer to shore now, but I lay still in the knee-deep water.....Listening. I caught a sent of the breeze and smirked,

“Seems we have a peeping tom,” I thought to my self as I lowered one hand farther into the water searching for a rock. The rustling was louder now, my fingers traced the smooth surface of a perfectly round stone, I picked it up slowly and lay very still for a moment. It rustled again and I stood in a blur of motion and chucked the rock at the same time.

I heard it hit home with loud thud, a yelp of pain, and a splash as a figure fell out of a tree and into the shallows near me. I was standing by then, one of the daggers in my right hand ready to attack whom ever it was. As the figure stood, I almost gasped.

His golden blond hair was wet and matted to his head. Aquamarine eyes showed both mischief and embarrassment at being caught. His crimson trench coat was soaked. I had to look up to stare into his eyes, making him maybe 6’0. He looked me up and down, I then realized I was standing there in nothing but my bra and undies. The heat crept up my face before I could stop it and I blushed. The handsome stranger smirked, and I was fit to be tied.

Oh I wish you were tied. Hog-tied that is.

“Who the hell are you, why were you watching me, and what do you want?”

I asked him in a semi-heated tone. I was still embarrassed about standing there mostly nude in front of a complete stranger. He still had his boy-ish smirk when he answered,

“ I’m known as Ericks, I was sleeping in the tree when you came along, and I didn't expect to be caught that easily,”

He rubbed the back of his head with his left arm and I noticed it was artificial. I shook my head and smirked in spite of it all,

“If you don't want to be caught, don't move around so much, and don't breathe so heavily...” Ericks just stared at me for a moment, his hand still at the back of his blond head. The smirk was gone, replaced by a solemn look of surprise,

“How could you hear me?” He asked putting his arm back to his side. I smirked at his question and answered truthfully.

“ Werewolves have a keen sense of smell, and our hearing un-natural,” his eyes grew wide for a moment and his mouth gaped a little bit. I fought not to laugh at him. He re-gained himself and smiled,

“ Nice to know i'm not the only in-human person around here, I was staring to get worried,”

It was my turn to gawk,

“Just what are you then?”

I asked, he sighed and smirked,

“ That for me to know and you to find out so :P,”

He stuck his toung out at me and I shook my head slowly. I trusted Ericks enough to turn my back with out him putting a bullet in me. So I seethed the dagger and stared walking over to my belongings. I could hear him sloshing after me and smiled.

~”He’s not such a bad guy,”~ I thought to my self, we were half way to the pine tree when I stopped dead, scenting the air. Ericks, who wasn't paying attention, bumped into me and made me stumble. I had my balance back when Blaze dropped out of the trees just ahead.

Ow. This story suffers from bad grammar and writing, but sadly (unlike last entry) I think this can't be re-deemed. Sure, it experiments with different types of inhuman life (away from the sterotypical Plant angels I've seen), but there was well...certian expectations with Trigun. That being:
1) It's desert planet, and thus far, absolutely no indication of wolves or leopards of the normal kind, let alone the were-kind.
2) There's no indication of any other in-human life (aside from wildlife) other than Plants or androids (Grey the Nine lives).
3) Trigun, for all it's plotholes, still is scientically (computers, ships.....) based, not mythogically (weres, vampires....) based. (Not counting all the religous annotations Trigun has).
4) It's a sterotypical western setting, for cryin' out loud.

The third point could be argued that Hellsing/Vampire Hunter D/Wolf's Rain anime (to name a few) has bent the rules of science by having werwolves/vampires in a modern day/futuristic setting but then again, I'll counter that by saying.....this is Trigun...not (insert fandom here) and theres no indication of such creatures existing, in either the anime or manga.