Current mood:

cranky

Heh. Clone has been updated.. You can find the original Sue report here. *winces* Ouch. I just thought a few of you would like to know.

On to today's Sue. Not too sure what to think of this one. I'll admit, it's not that cliche of a Trigun fanfic, and prehaps if the author re-worked and actually used a 'smegging beta-reader, then it would be fairly okay. It's the writing that bugs me mostly.

Story Or Series Title: Face The Music No Matter How Terrible It Is o_O:
Fandom: Trigun.
Culprit Author's Name: RktikFox
Summary: Yes. Hi. My First Fic here-in this section-arr. May become R later. Kid mysteriously survives massacre (by Knives, yes) Vash& co. need her help to the next major city. Electric Mandolin Included! Rr CH.3 UP AT LAST (story will be slow updates-sorry;)

*blink* okay.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Syd Vicious Tarquin. Iiiiee. At least it isn't Japanese.
Full Species(es): Human, as far as I can tell.
Hair Color (include adjectives): not mentioned.
Eye Color (include adjectives): blue-violet.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Long scar on her left forearm.
Special Possessions (if any): "Pinkish glasses". Red scarf. Electric mandolin (eh?). Damned unusual diet? And a loud voice.

Annoying Origin: Vetus City.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Bumps into them, as they find her in the rubble of her since destroyed city.
Annoying Special Abilities: "My father taught me to play the guitar
when I was a toddler. He was so proud when I played my first song...so proud he
died a few months later" o_O; I admit, thats a funny way of putting that. I think in chapter two she summons something, it honestly doesn't make sense to be so I'll just assume it's a special trait.
Other Annoying Traits: Is way too damn cheery, considering what just happened to her town.

I feel I should state this: I consider this a Sue, due to the fact, that few, if any 16 year olds are capable of doing many of the things this Sue can. And also surviving a "Knives desructive rampage (patent applied for)" and being the only survivor seems a little far fetched.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:


It should be noted that this story is listed in humour, as well as action, so presumably, the author tried to work a sense of humour into the story. Attempted mind you. Obiviously, it's why Syd is in reality, as annoying and weird as she is. So either way, take a look at the author notes.

Face The Music (no matter how terrible it is)
Chapter 1: The First Meeting
###

A/N: Yes. Hi. This is my first fic for Trigun! How cute. So please be nice *fake sob* I have actually been working on this since October of 2002...oh, cheeky! Naturally, I put it off for a bit and resumed in January. I give
thee my disclaimer for the entire story!

Here 'tis: I hereby state on my own behalf that I, Rktikfox, do NOT own
Trigun or its lovely characters and ideas.

Okay, enough of that jazz-I am not sure how to explain this fic. It has a bit of a rocky start with weird abrupt conversations, but just read it. I
do not like this chapter as much as the others I have written, but I am
sick of re-writing it. Its pretty much like how the show is, funny yet serious, but-er-unprofessional-So no making fun of my grammar mistakes! In addition, review...flames will be used to warm the cold little box I live
in.

Oooo-kay. Obiviously, I need to mention this to the author sometime: Grammatically incorrect humour is damned hard to get right. And sadly, you failed. Also, please note, the reason many things are mis-spelt in Trigun is because the animators don't speak English as a main language, not as some plot device. oO;
Your use of unprofessional grammar mistakes make reading this story as much fun as removing wisdom teeth with a set of plastic pliers and a car jack.

"AHH! Meryl and Milly!" Vash gasped when he noticed the two still bodies of
the insurance girls.

"What the hell?" Wolfwood breathed.

Vash checked their pulses. "Hm."

"They aren't...dead, are they?"

"No-"

A small dart buried itself in the dirt near Wolfwood, attracting their attention. All they could see was a pair of pinkish glasses glinting in a ray of setting sunlight. In an instant, it dashed away. The men tore after
the figure.
Occasional glimpses of whatever it was lead them back to the porch. Wolfwood leapt onto the porch-only to find a scarf coiled up on the floor.
It was extremely long and red-yet there was a different shade of red as well. A few droplets of blood had sunken into the scarf in several places. The gunman lowered his sunglasses to get a better look at the blood stains.

Suddenly, the sound of a quick inhale echoed in the porch roof rafters. Wolfwood turned around fired the pistol. The two pieces of ammunition met in midair and the dart fell to the ground. The bullet kept going and grazed the figure's cheek. With a yell, it clapped its hands over the wound and plummeted from the wooden beam. It hit the porch with a dull thud. A shower of sawdust blanketed the assassin and the priest. Vash looked down at the
pathetic mass huddled on the deck as he joined Wolfwood.

"What is it?" Vash asked him.

Wolfwood fired two gunshots-destroying the dart shooter and lowered the
gun. "It looks like a...kid."

The kid bowed its head. "Please...just give me one more day..."

Vash took a step toward the frantic child. "What did you say?"

"NO! Stop! I-I'm not ready to die!" It shouted. Wolfwood and Vash exchanged
glances. "It's not even time yet! Just leave me alone!"

"We're not here to kill you." Wolfwood said quietly.

A pair of blue-violet eyes stared up at him. "You aren't?"

"Of course we aren't!" Vash said cheerily. "We all just came here looking
for Vetus City."

The tears vanished. "Well, I'll be! So, you were merely passing through,
trying to move on." Vash nodded. "You're on the run, yes?"

"I guess you could say that."

She looked at Wolfwood and stood up. "And what about you? Just drifting
looking for some adulterated fun?"

Wolfwood snorted. "What he said."

"That's WONDERFUL! WOOHOO! I'm saved!" Wolfwood raised an eyebrow. "Well,
you both seem innocent enough to me." She put the outrageous scarf on. "Please, come inside!" They both sighed and followed her in. "Just don't try anything funny. I'm only a child of sixteen, you know. So, who are you
guys anyway?"

Vash put his pistol away. "I'm Elias-"

"-the Stampede?" The girl chuckled digging through a bag full of bandages.
"Last time I checked your name was Vash."

Vash sighed. "You pay attention to the wanted posters, I see."

"One hears crazy things mopping floors in saloons, sir. But apparently, they were exaggerating." She said with an impish grin as she dressed her
wound. "So, how about you?"

"Wolfwood."

"Humph...Well, very nice to-oh dear." She said looking at her hands.
"Please excuse me..." She left and returned promptly, apparently from washing her bloody hands, and shook their hands vigorously. "It is quite
nice to meet you both. Now I shall properly introduce myself. I am Syd Vicious Tarquin! Pleased to meet you, Mr. the Stampede and Mr. Woodwolf."

"Wolfwood."

"Righto. So, what kind of bribe or lust brought you to Vetus city?"

Vash thought. "Well, actually, I was just passing by and our friend Milly
had a relative living here-"

Syd sniffled. "Oh. Relatives? Sorry, sir, fresh out."

Wolfwood's brow furrowed. "Well, yeah. The dead bodies gave it away."

She snorted. "Chyeah...pretty much...So, would this Milly happen to be one
of the ladies I tranquilized?" Syd asked suddenly.

"Yeah." They both confirmed.

"Corks! I'm so sorry. They are rather imposing from a distance. Didn't think they WERE women at first. Can't be too careful. 'Ve got valuables an-
" She babbled. Noticing the two annoyed expressions thrown at her, Syd smiled a rather sheepish smile. "But don't worry, they'll be up in a few,
sirs. So, where're you chaps headed, anyway?"

"Well...um..." Vash muttered, thinking.

Syd arched both eyebrows. "Ah, Will you be staying the night, then?"

::::::::

End Chapter One
R/R...

And so we meet Syd. Angst quota met and checked. u_U; This story seems to improve aftert his chapter, but it's still fairly sporkworthy.

“Why, sir, ain’t you ever seen an electric mandolin?”

“Uh...no.” Vash raised an eyebrow.

“Goodness me. You clearly haven’t grown to know the finer things
in life.” She huffed. “Ah, well, this baby’s one of a kind.”

“You built it yourself?”Vash asked.

Syd nodded madly. “Yessir, when I was 7 years old. I love music
and everything about it-always have. My father taught me to play the guitar
when I was a toddler. He was so proud when I played my first song...so proud he
died a few months later.”

“Oh. I’m sorry-“

“Really, sir. I got over it a long time ago... Always look on the
bright side of life, yeah?” She said in a sing-songy voice.

Vash smiled. “I guess you’re right.” Then he noticed something.
Something that was so odd that he was surprised he had not noticed it before.
Syd’s left forearm was hidden from view by a long glove of some sort. It was
black, thick and went all the way up past her elbow. “Um...Syd? What do you
have that glove on for?”

“This?” Syd seemed startled by the question. “Oh. I had an
accident when I was little. Left a hideous scar, so my mum gave this to me to
wear over it so I wont be embarrassed.”

Vash blushed. “Oh...w-what happened?” She shifted on her log. “I
mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“Nah, it’s nuthin’...I was working over at the livestock barn and
th-there was this mechanical hay reaper, see? So I wasn’t being too careful and
I tripped and fell so that my arm sort of got caught in the blades-and-and”

“Oh god. I’m sorry about that.” Vash muttered. “Reliving all of these
bad memories because of-“

“Ah, quit it with the apologies, sir. I don’t think less of you
or anything. You had the concern and common courtesy to ask at least.” Syd
grinned and began strumming the tune to the song she was singing before.

“You’re really good with instruments, aren’t you? That song
sounds hard to pull off.”

“Yeah...Had to keep something to occupy myself...I’ve never left
this city in my life.”

Vash laughed. “Well, you’re only sixteen aren’t you?”

Syd stared at the fire and smiled bitter-sweetly. “A place like
this makes one year seem like five if you know what I mean.”



From a stance on the porch, such as Wolfwood’s, one can see a
great deal more than someone in such a position as Vash and Syd can. In fact,
there is a great view of the desert. One can see many things, such as cacti,
coyotes, jack rabbits, the night sky, tumbleweeds, and a swiftly approaching mammoth.



“Whoa! It’s a...” Nick squinted. “Oh shit...VASH!”

“WHAT?” Vash replied. Syd stopped playing.

“EXACTLY! LOOK OUT!” Wolfwood ran inside.

Vash drew his gun. “Syd, don’t move.”

Syd saw whatever it was approaching. “Ahh-Oh no...” She curled up
in a ball where she sat.



Your traditional dark and shadowy figure formed just outside of
the light of Syd’s fire. It threw back its head and an earsplitting, bloody
roar issued from its throat. Syd whimpered something inaudible. Vash aimed his
gun at the creature and fired two bullets. Both ricocheted off the thing’s
chest. Almost immediately, the creature angrily flew forward at Vash and Syd.



“SYD! NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO MOVE!” Vash yelled.

“But you told me not to-“

“NEVERMIND!” Vash grabbed her arm and ran.



The two shot away from the fire and towards the house. In a
flash, the creature appeared! Its dark, quadruped figure crouched before
them...It was a huge, terrifying monster, despite the darkness that shrouded
its general appearance. Vash and Syd attempted to fake it out and run the other
way, but it appeared right in front of them again. It raised its talons,
growled and swiped at Syd. Syd ducked; squeaking with fear. Vash dodged the
still swiping claw, noticeably made of steel, and raised his gun again. The
monster took another swipe at him. Vash dodged it and immediately fired a
bullet into its right eye. It roared horribly and pawed its face.



‘Those eyes...what is it with those damned eyes?’ Vash thought.

“The fire, Mr.Vash, c’mon!” Syd dragged Vash towards the fire.

“But the house-“



“The fire is closer!” Syd immediately rolled her sitting logs to
the edge of four sides where the light ended. As she rolled the last log to its
place, the monster’s now uneven red eyes appeared glaring above Syd’s small,
hunched figure.



“WATCH OUT, SYD!” Vash shouted.



As Syd looked up, the creature swiped! It’s claw shot out of the
shadows as she fell on her back; petrified with fear. It was near slashing
Syd’s shuddering body in half, but suddenly, it stopped and began to burn and
twitch. The dark creature howled with pain.



“HEY, VASH!” Wolfwood’s familiar voice came to ear.

“Stay here, Syd.” Vash muttered and ran to Wolfwood.



Vash could feel the creature pounding along right behind him. As
he neared the porch, Vash sped up and jumped. He cleared all seven steps on the
porch and tumbled onto the wooden surface; causing a shower of sawdust to rain
down upon him. Wolfwood stood over him, holding his cross punisher. Vash looked
at the foot of the steps. The lopsided red eyes bored into his-then vanished,
probably to go torment Syd.


*sigh* This story's main fault, lies not with the character (which I find irritating, but not overly so.....) but the style and manner of writing. Possibly, it's because the story isn't finished yet, but it seems.....all over the place? It makes little sense. And frankly, I wouldn't want to read it. I was like "thankgod, its finished.". Sad.